Careful with that axe, Eugene

Times have changed, the times are strange.
Here I am but I ain't the same.

You know when you are young you think about things, about right and wrong. And then one day you grow up and you become a mirror image of whatever you loathed in your childhood, everything you were sure you wouldn't be in those innocent days. Then one day you look into the mirror and can no longer face yourself you lower your eyes; a faint mist, a faint remeberance of childhood. Indeed time is a strange phenomenon. Preying upon us without a clue of what is to come, not even a slight hint.

I used to consider my self as a benchmark for generalising the huge mass of public. I used to place them above me or below me and I had a huge crowd below me. I considered myself morally above a few, consider myself innocent and sometimes I wish you were here. Ok, what I really want to discuss is the fact that I know longer study the way I used to, I always wanted to study less but wanted to gain information just know the facts, liked physics. Wanted to have mastery over everything, knew I was capable of that. I could be all I wanted to be and became just the one thing i loathed. I hated all those leeches who feed upon the society gave nothing back. Would have given anything to not be a common man, I didnt want to die like the thousands of humans die everyday I wanted to be myself not be a generalization. I want to run away somewhere dark somewhere where I can start again though am sure would make the same mistakes . Loose the game once again. Am frustrated and paranoid.


So how did this so obvious facy just hit me right now??? Exams got over today. May flunk in few of them. So the maths exam is going on. Had woken up all night long, hadn't studied anything earlier. Sat for the exams ready to face whatever would come, ready to face the consequences of my faults. Paper in hand with nothing to write I tried to copy. Did copy. The source of the original answers had solved the answer in the wrong way, knew that. Copied it anyhow. Didn't try the numerical by the correct method. I have become COMPALCENT.

I hate myself sometimes, but how I wish you were here.

Fear of the Dark (Unfinished Stuff)

He was frightened, wanted to peek outside the bed sheet but could not. He was sweating he had never before. The noise kept coming a strange ruffling sound that was so odd in this time of night like an actual chick coming out of a common egg. He wanted to run away but first he would have to come out of the bed sheet. He gathered all the courage he had, he had none. Kept shivering inside the blanket the same way he had been since last 10 mins. . Even the fan seemed to make a creepy sound. A dog wailed somewhere. The devil intervention was omnipresent. He could hear the curtains blowing. He wished it would all stop, he wished he could sleep. He hadn't slept properly for for 3 days. For last 3 days, he had slept in the same room. Suddenly the windows closed with a sound that would've shaken a 1000 Hercule's. He jumped out of the bed. Now was the chance to run to safety, to peace, to light, to his mother. Perturbed he ran outside his room. He felt someone staring at him, it had a black body and even darker eyes. Not minding the darkness in the room he ran. Cuddled next to his mother & fell into the realm of peace which he called sleep.

Woke up in the morning and went to school. As he sat in the class felt someone was staring at him. The walls seemed to come closer every second to crush him in the end. He feared the fan would fall any moment. Death loomed everywhere and a second was all he had to live. His head hurt, his stomach ached, his heart seemed to burst, his throat felt dry. A gust of wind gave him chills, felt as if some spirit pass through him. Twice the teacher scolded him for not paying attention in the classroom. Stupid teachers, none of them would ever understand. How he wished to tell them all, let them know it was not easy undergoing all this all day all night.He wanted them to feel what he did - Fear of the Dark. He couldn't find the right book in his bag. He was sure he had kept it there. Where was it? Who was he, whose presence made him feel the fear he had never known? He looked out of the window and thought he saw someone duck down to prevent himself from being seen by him. He kept looking at the window expecting to see the person, put an end to this troublesome mystery. Great stories don't just finish like that.

Thankfully the class ended. He ran from the school, literally ran from the school. The girls giggled watching him, stupid girls what did they know what he was undergoing. Hah fools, he wouldn't tell them, they would laugh at him, the way they all did. Reached home one piece.