Careful with that axe, Eugene

Times have changed, the times are strange.
Here I am but I ain't the same.

You know when you are young you think about things, about right and wrong. And then one day you grow up and you become a mirror image of whatever you loathed in your childhood, everything you were sure you wouldn't be in those innocent days. Then one day you look into the mirror and can no longer face yourself you lower your eyes; a faint mist, a faint remeberance of childhood. Indeed time is a strange phenomenon. Preying upon us without a clue of what is to come, not even a slight hint.

I used to consider my self as a benchmark for generalising the huge mass of public. I used to place them above me or below me and I had a huge crowd below me. I considered myself morally above a few, consider myself innocent and sometimes I wish you were here. Ok, what I really want to discuss is the fact that I know longer study the way I used to, I always wanted to study less but wanted to gain information just know the facts, liked physics. Wanted to have mastery over everything, knew I was capable of that. I could be all I wanted to be and became just the one thing i loathed. I hated all those leeches who feed upon the society gave nothing back. Would have given anything to not be a common man, I didnt want to die like the thousands of humans die everyday I wanted to be myself not be a generalization. I want to run away somewhere dark somewhere where I can start again though am sure would make the same mistakes . Loose the game once again. Am frustrated and paranoid.


So how did this so obvious facy just hit me right now??? Exams got over today. May flunk in few of them. So the maths exam is going on. Had woken up all night long, hadn't studied anything earlier. Sat for the exams ready to face whatever would come, ready to face the consequences of my faults. Paper in hand with nothing to write I tried to copy. Did copy. The source of the original answers had solved the answer in the wrong way, knew that. Copied it anyhow. Didn't try the numerical by the correct method. I have become COMPALCENT.

I hate myself sometimes, but how I wish you were here.