Forlorn collection of I's

I have always wished to talk to someone late at night i.e. around 4 and 4:30am. I mean its not like i haven't survived the nights till now but I think talking to sum one else is far more interesting than talking to yourself. i mean talking to sum one else is far more mentally stimulating, u might get to hear some thing new.

I talk to myself all the time. i discuss stuff, debate a lot with myself. But then it limits the opposition. I am in a constant race with myself to one up myself. Since i am the both sides of the debate, its basically me vs me and no matter what i win. I find points against myself and vice-versa when i should be trying to come across new horizons at all new level itself. the problem is i haven't come across any other person who challenges me in the manner I want them to. May be its just plain loneliness and all the despair it entails. A paradigm, a paradox, a quote something, anything that i can appreciate and, depreciate myself on not having thought of it earlier. I don't speak much publicly but there are a lot of stuff i would like to point out to people, a lot i would like to make them understand but i just don't want to take upon myself the burden of educating the masses. i don't care, that's my problem i don't care enough about my problems, about myself or anything for that matter.

I am a procrastinator, no may be not, procrastinator only delays plans, i don't even plan. i just go to sleep rather than sit up and plan. this is the kind of stuff i do when i should be calling sum one up and asking them to talk to me, i write a bull shit piece of keyboard strokes. i wish i could run away far away from everywhere, but then i wouldn't have anyone to talk to even there.

i don't want to walk into a crowd, i hate crowds. A group of people depresses me , i want to run away. I hate being a part of the mob. i want to stand out, be sum one, not a part of everyone. i don't like to talk out publicly I'll rather wait for a person to come to the corner and chit chat with him rather than approach him when he's in the crowd. I don't usually write this kind of weird stuff, because it exposes me. I want people to play blind with me, if they knew me, they'd screw me. I know no one reads this, so am posting it to read it few months from now and laugh on it.

A path out of nowhere leading to nowhere

I just saw two movies completely world apart. Woody Allen's classic 'Annie Hall' and Robert Redford's latest offering 'Lions for lambs'. Both are good movies nothing awesome but decent acting fine directorial cuts etc. What this represented was the variety that these moving photographs can provide. The wide spectrum they covered, was all too obvious. But the question that has bothered me since my 9th grade and does so now concerns more with music.

So we all know there are 7 'sur' as we call it hindi music. These sur can be arranged and rearranged in a million ways. The problem is what happens when all the possible combination have been used. What then. DO we stop making new music? Do we make a new sur or do we remix the old ones? I hate remixes by the way. If the original song was good enough to deserve a remix then why do we need the remixes anyways. This paradox is quite interesting to say the least. I for one am wholeheartedly against remixes. I like originality. The beauty of the fact that sumone thought of such a beautiful creation before me enthralls me, captures my imagination, challenges me to innovate, do something before sumone else does. What happens when all the possible story lines have been used. Are there as many emotions possible in a human being so as to feed the hungry mouth of an avid reader. What when all combination of emotions have been tread upon? Where lies the new path? Who comes to the rescue? An American patrol team?( if u have seen the latter movie you'll understand where this came from). Thank god i won't be alive then but the question is so disturbing that it can't just be overlooked.

So what should we do, stop making new music or decrease the rate at which we make music to give more combination to the future genreations than we will today? Do we try to repress our imaginations our thoughts to give a better future. Its like the case with environmentalist. Do we stop living our live to the full to let our children live their lives to the full? Do we become the scape goats for the future. Do we compromise to prevent them from compromising? Which way do we go? What path do we take? Why is the right path always represented as the less trodden upon? Why can't the majority be right? Why the sudden onslaught of such stupid question? Why doesnt this kid go back to sleep? Why does this 21 yr old human being call himself a kid? why the...? So many questions so little time. So few holidays, even less answers and fewer people who even care to answer. Why is everyone nowadays like a pandora box full of questions? Where are the answers? Inside ourselves? when shall they open? who has the key? why werent the answers provided in a booklet the moment we were born.

Damned be thou, O spring

The summer days are gone.
The reasons i was born
are no more, a cold darkness
left, future is a dark abyss.

It's all the same now,
Not long before i take my final bow.
This is not the way it was meant to be.
This wasn't meant to be my reality.

Long ago i used to try,
many years ago i used to cry.
The coldness inside suffocates me,
like i am where i was not meant to be,

My character will die out
but the drama will play.
no matter how i shout now,
no matter what i say.

the third act all morose
hold it now, for i know not where it goes.
the fourth arrives in all its darkness
and misery, the sadness
suffocates me.

Days will come, days will pass by
I'll sit here all alone under the moonlight
and no matter how i try
I'll watch you go like a forsaken dream.

The spring shall arrive again
and I'll shall wait here
I know u wont remember
but i no longer care.