Forlorn collection of I's

I have always wished to talk to someone late at night i.e. around 4 and 4:30am. I mean its not like i haven't survived the nights till now but I think talking to sum one else is far more interesting than talking to yourself. i mean talking to sum one else is far more mentally stimulating, u might get to hear some thing new.

I talk to myself all the time. i discuss stuff, debate a lot with myself. But then it limits the opposition. I am in a constant race with myself to one up myself. Since i am the both sides of the debate, its basically me vs me and no matter what i win. I find points against myself and vice-versa when i should be trying to come across new horizons at all new level itself. the problem is i haven't come across any other person who challenges me in the manner I want them to. May be its just plain loneliness and all the despair it entails. A paradigm, a paradox, a quote something, anything that i can appreciate and, depreciate myself on not having thought of it earlier. I don't speak much publicly but there are a lot of stuff i would like to point out to people, a lot i would like to make them understand but i just don't want to take upon myself the burden of educating the masses. i don't care, that's my problem i don't care enough about my problems, about myself or anything for that matter.

I am a procrastinator, no may be not, procrastinator only delays plans, i don't even plan. i just go to sleep rather than sit up and plan. this is the kind of stuff i do when i should be calling sum one up and asking them to talk to me, i write a bull shit piece of keyboard strokes. i wish i could run away far away from everywhere, but then i wouldn't have anyone to talk to even there.

i don't want to walk into a crowd, i hate crowds. A group of people depresses me , i want to run away. I hate being a part of the mob. i want to stand out, be sum one, not a part of everyone. i don't like to talk out publicly I'll rather wait for a person to come to the corner and chit chat with him rather than approach him when he's in the crowd. I don't usually write this kind of weird stuff, because it exposes me. I want people to play blind with me, if they knew me, they'd screw me. I know no one reads this, so am posting it to read it few months from now and laugh on it.