How I Wish You were Here

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.



How I wish You were Here....How I wish....
Nostalgia is quite a common syndrom on those cold days when its raining outside and all you can do is look at the rain drops falling wishing you were somewhere else with someone else.How I wish You were There.

Careful with that axe, Eugene

Times have changed, the times are strange.
Here I am but I ain't the same.

You know when you are young you think about things, about right and wrong. And then one day you grow up and you become a mirror image of whatever you loathed in your childhood, everything you were sure you wouldn't be in those innocent days. Then one day you look into the mirror and can no longer face yourself you lower your eyes; a faint mist, a faint remeberance of childhood. Indeed time is a strange phenomenon. Preying upon us without a clue of what is to come, not even a slight hint.

I used to consider my self as a benchmark for generalising the huge mass of public. I used to place them above me or below me and I had a huge crowd below me. I considered myself morally above a few, consider myself innocent and sometimes I wish you were here. Ok, what I really want to discuss is the fact that I know longer study the way I used to, I always wanted to study less but wanted to gain information just know the facts, liked physics. Wanted to have mastery over everything, knew I was capable of that. I could be all I wanted to be and became just the one thing i loathed. I hated all those leeches who feed upon the society gave nothing back. Would have given anything to not be a common man, I didnt want to die like the thousands of humans die everyday I wanted to be myself not be a generalization. I want to run away somewhere dark somewhere where I can start again though am sure would make the same mistakes . Loose the game once again. Am frustrated and paranoid.


So how did this so obvious facy just hit me right now??? Exams got over today. May flunk in few of them. So the maths exam is going on. Had woken up all night long, hadn't studied anything earlier. Sat for the exams ready to face whatever would come, ready to face the consequences of my faults. Paper in hand with nothing to write I tried to copy. Did copy. The source of the original answers had solved the answer in the wrong way, knew that. Copied it anyhow. Didn't try the numerical by the correct method. I have become COMPALCENT.

I hate myself sometimes, but how I wish you were here.

Fear of the Dark (Unfinished Stuff)

He was frightened, wanted to peek outside the bed sheet but could not. He was sweating he had never before. The noise kept coming a strange ruffling sound that was so odd in this time of night like an actual chick coming out of a common egg. He wanted to run away but first he would have to come out of the bed sheet. He gathered all the courage he had, he had none. Kept shivering inside the blanket the same way he had been since last 10 mins. . Even the fan seemed to make a creepy sound. A dog wailed somewhere. The devil intervention was omnipresent. He could hear the curtains blowing. He wished it would all stop, he wished he could sleep. He hadn't slept properly for for 3 days. For last 3 days, he had slept in the same room. Suddenly the windows closed with a sound that would've shaken a 1000 Hercule's. He jumped out of the bed. Now was the chance to run to safety, to peace, to light, to his mother. Perturbed he ran outside his room. He felt someone staring at him, it had a black body and even darker eyes. Not minding the darkness in the room he ran. Cuddled next to his mother & fell into the realm of peace which he called sleep.

Woke up in the morning and went to school. As he sat in the class felt someone was staring at him. The walls seemed to come closer every second to crush him in the end. He feared the fan would fall any moment. Death loomed everywhere and a second was all he had to live. His head hurt, his stomach ached, his heart seemed to burst, his throat felt dry. A gust of wind gave him chills, felt as if some spirit pass through him. Twice the teacher scolded him for not paying attention in the classroom. Stupid teachers, none of them would ever understand. How he wished to tell them all, let them know it was not easy undergoing all this all day all night.He wanted them to feel what he did - Fear of the Dark. He couldn't find the right book in his bag. He was sure he had kept it there. Where was it? Who was he, whose presence made him feel the fear he had never known? He looked out of the window and thought he saw someone duck down to prevent himself from being seen by him. He kept looking at the window expecting to see the person, put an end to this troublesome mystery. Great stories don't just finish like that.

Thankfully the class ended. He ran from the school, literally ran from the school. The girls giggled watching him, stupid girls what did they know what he was undergoing. Hah fools, he wouldn't tell them, they would laugh at him, the way they all did. Reached home one piece.

Woke up at 8:10 am. Brushed, washed my face. Am in my class by 8:26 am. Sit in the classroom as the professor lectures on I look at him thinking of my Counter Strike game last night, the grenade should have been thrown a little earlier. He looks at me acknowledging my mental absence from the room and teaches on. I knew he wouldn't care, they are paid to teach not make us understand.

The second lecture from 9:30 to 10:30 is off the lecturers not in the campus or maybe he is but who cares. Go to my room on the way have bought my dose of GF. Sit in my room and start engage myself with counter Strike while listening to Nirvana. After 2 many frags rest my eyes for a while using up GF's. Open my eyes and as always I am late for my class.

Run to class sit farther from the teacher and try to pass my time writing lyrics of the songs I remember or well go ahead with my open eyes sleep session. Teaching goes on and on and on. Times up and teacher leaves after the mandatory attendance session and I kinnda mess it up 'cos I didn't shout up during my roll call and after a session of interaction my attendance is accepted. Run to go out of my class room and see the next Fuhrer walking up the corridor towards the class. Run back into the class.

The earlier stanza continues including the attendance mess up. Somehow survive the class and walk to my room after collecting my clothes from Dhobi.

Sweet Child o' Mine

I never hated her, never loved her. She was more of an non-entity just like that stupid bush behind the hostel's second gate. You look at it think about it for 2 minutes and then you never think about it except in dire loneliness. Maybe the bush never guessed but it should've.

And yes, the girl wasn't dumb either, I knew she had guessed it. She might have wept in some corner about this. I did not care, I don't want to. I don't love her, how can I act as if I do. Maybe she does but what if she doesn't. Am I selfish? Yes I am but Ain't she?

Ok, she is not ugly, not bad but she is not HER. I am not perfect either but aren't we supposed to aim for it. Why should I compromise? I dont love her no matter how much she wants me to. I'll tell her but how can I? Should I leave this thought like those unsung songs wich i wanted to remember but couldn't. I dont care I'll get over it, she will have to. I am not a messiah or watever.

"I like cigarettes,Miss Taggart. I like to think of fire held in a man's hand.Fire, a dangerous force, tamed at his fingertips.I often wonder about the hours when a man sits alone, watching the smoke of a cigarette , thinking.I wonder what great things have come from such hours.When a man thinks, there is a spot of fire alive in his mind-and it is proper that he should have the burning point if a cigarette as his one expression."

ATLAS SHRUGGED- Ayn Rand

And Then I..........

I dont breath no air
I dont live no dreams
I dont die no death
I hold life at its seam

Nothing is true
Nothing but you

May be i fool myself
Maybe you do

I would do anything for love
I will beg in front of you
I will do anyhting for you,love
I dont want to beg in front of you

I dont shed no tears
I dont have no fears

Its a one big book
We just dont know where to look

Maybe you did
Maybe u didnt try
May be you hid
May be i did

I dont live no lies
I dont care if i die

Tell me its true
Tell me its you

Let me go away
Let me find a way
I dont care no more
I have closed the door





 

To LIVE is To DIE

These are the pale deaths
which men miscall their lives:
for all the scents of green things growing,
each breath is but an exhalation of the grave.
Bodies jerk like puppet corpses,
and hell walks laughing.


This poem is from 'Lord Foul's Bane, Book One' of the series "The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever" by Stephen R. Donaldson.

The first two lines were used in Metallica's song 'To Live Is To Die'.


Lived a hundred dreams now is it sad if I die 4 one

I am not

And I am not frightened of dying
Any time will do, I don't mind
Why should I be frightened of dying?
There's no reason for it
You've gotta go sometime
I never said I was frightened of dying






The Great Gig In the Sky By your daddy PINK FLOYD