The Road Back..

Those eyes said it all, pain, anguish, memory of those golden days bygone when true smile was still possible. Those days when even unknown streets welcomed him and asked him to play with his friends in them whenever they wanted to. Those days when strange trees waited earnestly all day, so that he could climb on them in the evening. Those days when the old uncle at the local grocery shop whom they lovingly called Dadu, used to pass him sweets without ever asking for money. Those days when his friends would cry and wail in front of their parents to play with him and he who had feined headache to skip school would slip out of his house to play with them.Those days when every evening ended with a fight and every morning began with a renewed freindship.Those days...

How I Wish You were Here

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.



How I wish You were Here....How I wish....
Nostalgia is quite a common syndrom on those cold days when its raining outside and all you can do is look at the rain drops falling wishing you were somewhere else with someone else.How I wish You were There.

Careful with that axe, Eugene

Times have changed, the times are strange.
Here I am but I ain't the same.

You know when you are young you think about things, about right and wrong. And then one day you grow up and you become a mirror image of whatever you loathed in your childhood, everything you were sure you wouldn't be in those innocent days. Then one day you look into the mirror and can no longer face yourself you lower your eyes; a faint mist, a faint remeberance of childhood. Indeed time is a strange phenomenon. Preying upon us without a clue of what is to come, not even a slight hint.

I used to consider my self as a benchmark for generalising the huge mass of public. I used to place them above me or below me and I had a huge crowd below me. I considered myself morally above a few, consider myself innocent and sometimes I wish you were here. Ok, what I really want to discuss is the fact that I know longer study the way I used to, I always wanted to study less but wanted to gain information just know the facts, liked physics. Wanted to have mastery over everything, knew I was capable of that. I could be all I wanted to be and became just the one thing i loathed. I hated all those leeches who feed upon the society gave nothing back. Would have given anything to not be a common man, I didnt want to die like the thousands of humans die everyday I wanted to be myself not be a generalization. I want to run away somewhere dark somewhere where I can start again though am sure would make the same mistakes . Loose the game once again. Am frustrated and paranoid.


So how did this so obvious facy just hit me right now??? Exams got over today. May flunk in few of them. So the maths exam is going on. Had woken up all night long, hadn't studied anything earlier. Sat for the exams ready to face whatever would come, ready to face the consequences of my faults. Paper in hand with nothing to write I tried to copy. Did copy. The source of the original answers had solved the answer in the wrong way, knew that. Copied it anyhow. Didn't try the numerical by the correct method. I have become COMPALCENT.

I hate myself sometimes, but how I wish you were here.

Fear of the Dark (Unfinished Stuff)

He was frightened, wanted to peek outside the bed sheet but could not. He was sweating he had never before. The noise kept coming a strange ruffling sound that was so odd in this time of night like an actual chick coming out of a common egg. He wanted to run away but first he would have to come out of the bed sheet. He gathered all the courage he had, he had none. Kept shivering inside the blanket the same way he had been since last 10 mins. . Even the fan seemed to make a creepy sound. A dog wailed somewhere. The devil intervention was omnipresent. He could hear the curtains blowing. He wished it would all stop, he wished he could sleep. He hadn't slept properly for for 3 days. For last 3 days, he had slept in the same room. Suddenly the windows closed with a sound that would've shaken a 1000 Hercule's. He jumped out of the bed. Now was the chance to run to safety, to peace, to light, to his mother. Perturbed he ran outside his room. He felt someone staring at him, it had a black body and even darker eyes. Not minding the darkness in the room he ran. Cuddled next to his mother & fell into the realm of peace which he called sleep.

Woke up in the morning and went to school. As he sat in the class felt someone was staring at him. The walls seemed to come closer every second to crush him in the end. He feared the fan would fall any moment. Death loomed everywhere and a second was all he had to live. His head hurt, his stomach ached, his heart seemed to burst, his throat felt dry. A gust of wind gave him chills, felt as if some spirit pass through him. Twice the teacher scolded him for not paying attention in the classroom. Stupid teachers, none of them would ever understand. How he wished to tell them all, let them know it was not easy undergoing all this all day all night.He wanted them to feel what he did - Fear of the Dark. He couldn't find the right book in his bag. He was sure he had kept it there. Where was it? Who was he, whose presence made him feel the fear he had never known? He looked out of the window and thought he saw someone duck down to prevent himself from being seen by him. He kept looking at the window expecting to see the person, put an end to this troublesome mystery. Great stories don't just finish like that.

Thankfully the class ended. He ran from the school, literally ran from the school. The girls giggled watching him, stupid girls what did they know what he was undergoing. Hah fools, he wouldn't tell them, they would laugh at him, the way they all did. Reached home one piece.

Woke up at 8:10 am. Brushed, washed my face. Am in my class by 8:26 am. Sit in the classroom as the professor lectures on I look at him thinking of my Counter Strike game last night, the grenade should have been thrown a little earlier. He looks at me acknowledging my mental absence from the room and teaches on. I knew he wouldn't care, they are paid to teach not make us understand.

The second lecture from 9:30 to 10:30 is off the lecturers not in the campus or maybe he is but who cares. Go to my room on the way have bought my dose of GF. Sit in my room and start engage myself with counter Strike while listening to Nirvana. After 2 many frags rest my eyes for a while using up GF's. Open my eyes and as always I am late for my class.

Run to class sit farther from the teacher and try to pass my time writing lyrics of the songs I remember or well go ahead with my open eyes sleep session. Teaching goes on and on and on. Times up and teacher leaves after the mandatory attendance session and I kinnda mess it up 'cos I didn't shout up during my roll call and after a session of interaction my attendance is accepted. Run to go out of my class room and see the next Fuhrer walking up the corridor towards the class. Run back into the class.

The earlier stanza continues including the attendance mess up. Somehow survive the class and walk to my room after collecting my clothes from Dhobi.

Sweet Child o' Mine

I never hated her, never loved her. She was more of an non-entity just like that stupid bush behind the hostel's second gate. You look at it think about it for 2 minutes and then you never think about it except in dire loneliness. Maybe the bush never guessed but it should've.

And yes, the girl wasn't dumb either, I knew she had guessed it. She might have wept in some corner about this. I did not care, I don't want to. I don't love her, how can I act as if I do. Maybe she does but what if she doesn't. Am I selfish? Yes I am but Ain't she?

Ok, she is not ugly, not bad but she is not HER. I am not perfect either but aren't we supposed to aim for it. Why should I compromise? I dont love her no matter how much she wants me to. I'll tell her but how can I? Should I leave this thought like those unsung songs wich i wanted to remember but couldn't. I dont care I'll get over it, she will have to. I am not a messiah or watever.

"I like cigarettes,Miss Taggart. I like to think of fire held in a man's hand.Fire, a dangerous force, tamed at his fingertips.I often wonder about the hours when a man sits alone, watching the smoke of a cigarette , thinking.I wonder what great things have come from such hours.When a man thinks, there is a spot of fire alive in his mind-and it is proper that he should have the burning point if a cigarette as his one expression."

ATLAS SHRUGGED- Ayn Rand

And Then I..........

I dont breath no air
I dont live no dreams
I dont die no death
I hold life at its seam

Nothing is true
Nothing but you

May be i fool myself
Maybe you do

I would do anything for love
I will beg in front of you
I will do anyhting for you,love
I dont want to beg in front of you

I dont shed no tears
I dont have no fears

Its a one big book
We just dont know where to look

Maybe you did
Maybe u didnt try
May be you hid
May be i did

I dont live no lies
I dont care if i die

Tell me its true
Tell me its you

Let me go away
Let me find a way
I dont care no more
I have closed the door





 

To LIVE is To DIE

These are the pale deaths
which men miscall their lives:
for all the scents of green things growing,
each breath is but an exhalation of the grave.
Bodies jerk like puppet corpses,
and hell walks laughing.


This poem is from 'Lord Foul's Bane, Book One' of the series "The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever" by Stephen R. Donaldson.

The first two lines were used in Metallica's song 'To Live Is To Die'.


Lived a hundred dreams now is it sad if I die 4 one

I am not

And I am not frightened of dying
Any time will do, I don't mind
Why should I be frightened of dying?
There's no reason for it
You've gotta go sometime
I never said I was frightened of dying






The Great Gig In the Sky By your daddy PINK FLOYD

Atlas Shrugged

Was reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand hence didn't post anything.

Here's an excerpt from a speech by one of the main protagonists of the book.



"So you think that money is the root of all evil?" said Francisco d'Anconia. "Have you ever asked what is the root of money? Money is a tool of exchange, which can't exist unless there are goods produced and men able to produce them. Money is the material shape of the principle that men who wish to deal with one another must deal by trade and give value for value. Money is not the tool of the moochers, who claim your product by tears, or of the looters, who take it from you by force. Money is made possible only by the men who produce. Is this what you consider evil?

Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver. It will give you the means for the satisfaction of your desires, but it will not provide you with desires. Money is the scourge of the men who attempt to reverse the law of causality,the men who seek to replace the mind by seizing the products of the mind.

Money will not serve the mind that cannot match it. Is this the reason why you call it evil?

Or did you say it's the love of money that's the root of all evil? To love a thing is to know and love its nature. To love money is to know and love the fact that money is the creation of the best power within you, and your passkey to trade your effort for the effort of the best among men. It's the person who would sell his soul for a nickel, who is loudest in proclaiming his hatred of money and he has good reason to hate it. The lovers of money are willing to work for it. They know they are able to deserve it.

So long as production was ruled by force, and wealth was obtained by conquest, there was little to conquer, Yet through all the centuries of stagnation and starvation, men exalted the looters, as aristocrats of the sword, as aristocrats of birth, as aristocrats of the bureau, and despised the producers, as slaves, as traders, as shopkeepers as industrialists.

Hi! Just finished Short Stories by Guy De Maupassant. Gr8 stories.


Is having lead a traumatic childhood reason enough for odd and cruel behavior? Can a person who has been ill treated during his childhood allowed to conduct himself on the same manner.


I point towards Ivan, The Terrible for reference.




He was well not brought up in the best of conditions but was the way he conducted himself during his reign excused because of his earlier experiences?


Is a person who has some bad experiences during his earlier days allowed to kill or ,well, be cruel?


Favor:
Me and you do not know what effect an abused childhood leaves on a person. We'll never know what changes it brings in the grey cells of top floor. Having had a comparatively decent childhood what right do we have to judge those unfortunate beings. They do not want to its just that they cant help it. The have seen things, felt those emotions that just cant be explained by law. They didn't want to be this way but destiny was too stubborn a master to change her decisions. We'll never feel that pain that they did. Neither do I and most probably you want to do so.


Against:
Time heals .
If you want it to. It's all about changing your destiny. So what if you had a troublesome childhood but it was no way the fault of those innocent people on whom you vent your Dark emotions. Change is the way life is led. Time was bad make it good for yourself as well as for others. Being bad just won't help maybe doing good will. You were not treated good. Treat others good. They'll give you the love you craved for all your life. I am not a preacher just a human that's the way I want people to live their life helping someone (well a little bit of malice is not that bad).

Do give your comments and recommend me a gud book.

I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good
.
.
.
.
.
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail


Last line modified by me originally it's

'I have never felt so well'

Am I depressed??
No nothing just leave me alone for a while. Think will grow out of it.


Times have changed The times are strange
Here I come but I ain't the same

Remember time changes everyone tell your friends this before they start accusing you of changing.

Wish I had.

This ones for all those who know HINDI

'Dil behal to jayega is khayal se
haal mil gaya tumhara apne haal se '

Hemant Kumar's song If u havent heard this song yet go do so.

'Bula raha hai kaun mujh ko chilmaano ke us taraf
mere liye bhi kya koi udaas , bekarar hai....'

These line's from a song By Asha Bhonsle for the motion picture Umaro Jaan are some of my most memorable lines.

mere liye bhi .................................................................................... ............................................................................................................
I am a sentimental (does this word by anyway mean partly psycho senti and mental!!!) fool.
It makes no sense in this world of ours to think a lot. We've become MECHAINCAL ANIMALS. Slog all day sleep all night.
curse each other and just fight.

I wish I could go back in time
Away frm this Shit away frm this slime

I know I write stupid verse's
but what can u do other than stupid curse's


Hey justwanted to ask seeing is correct english or wat?

Iron Head

Title of a Rob Zombie song his first song that I've heard.

Read Alex Hailey's The Final Diagnosis SCKXXXXXXXX
Its an excruciating pain to read.The most shameful waste of tress ever seen on this planet.


Ok Will tell u one thing dont go around sprding the news.K.

Were getting bored in the park ,me and my friend Anu SO well Saw a girl a regular in this arena.
She was beautiful fair, nice hair, nice face, overall a gr8 piece of art.Now the prblm part-she was walking at a pace that i cant or just dont walk at.K.

So well miscreants that we are we ........................................................... ....................................................................................................................... ........................................................................................................................
started walking at even faster speed than her overtaking her and making her follow us for 6 rounds of the park.
6 rounds...............
PPl that joggers path was abt 750m long.
6 rounds................
we kept turning back just to see her following us.She was enjoying of th8 i m sure.

I smoke so low on stamina wch lead to our giving up th race just to keep gazing over her.When she saw us staring at her(WE were getting naughtier every sec.)




















She SMILED.


End.

Heart Shaped Box

Became a fan of Nirvana yesterday.
Heard their song 'Heart Shaped Box'

"Hey wait I've Got a new Complain"

And thats what half the world seems to do now a days-complain.
And all u intellectuals who think all's wrong with the world

"Forever in Debt to your priceless Advice"

Wats wrong with the world wats right dont matter as long as u keep yourselves all right.
So kinnda quoting H.S.B for every extract.

"Broken Hymen of your Highness I'm Left black"

This line kinnda is Cobain's point of view about the female's of human gender after his not so happy marriage life with Courtney Love.Well one things for sure me and Cobain had same thoughts abt girls, allright.

"Cut myself on Angel hair and Baby's breath"

Don't know why but this one's sure the most beautiful line in the whole song.Didn't understand it completely though,Died due to a child or a female.Cant break this one althought it shook me up.

"I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap"

K drugs are a trap keep away frm them smokin ciggs is fine drinkin is fine but drugs are a severe NO. I follow this strategy.Smoke drink but no doping.

Hey try n leave some comments on this blog i'll appreciate that.

ADIOS